Adam Levine Officially The Worst During SuperBowl Halftime

Look at this fucking twat right here.

Before we get into dissecting this image that triggered a kaleidoscope of emotional responses in me let’s try and find compassion in this scenario.

Adam Levine is human. Like any one of us he has ambitions, an ideal vision of himself, and a variety of insecurities to manage. That much is apparent.

So before I roast him for being another wealthy, privileged, mediocre and willfully ignorant white man living his manifest destiny of a best life/American Dream, I just think it’s important to remind myself and you that each of us is insecure about something. And each of us seeks validation and ego-satisfaction how and where we can get it.

Enacting positive change the world means we seek out our commonalities as starting points and then we dissect moments like this one as a learning experience.

How Not To Be A Douchebag: Literally do the opposite of Adam Levine.

First of all, Maroon 5 had no business playing the Super Bowl. They fucking caved to their management and representation and the eternal and inherent fear inside of all of us, of being rejected for going against the grain.

These guys buckled because they love their fame and wealth and distribution deals, and job security more than anything.

How not to be a douche? Do the right thing. Take a stand against injustice. Be brave enough not to need to feed your ego. Find some principles.

The NFL and any and all of its white allies needs to be cancelled.

There’s no way to dress this up. The issue is actually black and white. The bad side of white America got hot and bubbly over Obama’s two terms. George Zimmerman gets acquitted of murdering a 14 year old, and something like an avalanche of unarmed Black people start dying in police custody. Black Lives Matter gains traction. We have a new civil rights social activist mainstay. Deray’s vest becomes a thing. Colin Kaepernick gets woke AF, and loses his job as a result. This guy was punished by his white bosses for bravely drawing attention to an important Black social issue.

All of it is related and I just drew you a map.

So now you have one of the biggest bands in popular music presented with what has typically been the biggest night in American sports (and coincidentally, one of the biggest nights in American sex trafficking – so the layers of excess, entitlement, and overall fuckshit related to the NFL go deep).

How could they say no?

Easily, bro. Easily. It’s called having conviction, ethics, moral responsibility, PRINCIPLES. And it is 100% that serious. Every era in time presents opportunities for us to stand up and do what’s right and live our truths with conviction. Maroon 5 playing the superbowl showed their truth.

Additionally, also related we have the issues of cultural appropriation.

When you look at the situation of race in America through the lens of mainstream media and pop culture you have two things happening at once. On one side there’s the media’s initial gaslighting of Black people; they’ll focus on protests and sensationalize an event to create a spectacle, rather than track down and force accountability from leaders in positions to overhaul shitty police departments.

The news will focus on the SWAT teams, or whoever, focus on the bulletproof vests, focus on the tanks. They will give air time to, and twist the narrative in the favor of, law enforcement trying to maintain order at a protest, rather than ask law enforcement why an entire section of its community would feel unsafe?

Secondly, you have pop music and entertainment high-jacking and white washing typically Black aesthetics, language, and sound. When you put all the pieces together it reads a little like America would like to erase Black people. I mean, you have law enforcement basically executing people. You have the prison system rigged to one side, and then you have entertainment serving up Charlie Pluths, Megan Trainors, Ariana Grandes, and more with their old school R&B sounds. Also, worth noting, is televisions preoccupation with glorifying the olden days of yore with majestical tales of white warriors, and the whole Mad Men thing. There’s a lot of concurrent messaging at play.

This can get messy and murky and I don’t believe every white girl that likes R&B, or who gets braids and wears bamboo earrings is appropriating black culture.

Sometimes fashion is just fashion.

But the difference is that Black people had to adopt “white” language and dress to assimilate into an inherently hostile environment. White people “borrow” things they think are cute because they enjoy a position of safety inside the inherently hostile environment and are raised to believe they can have anything they want.

Most Black people are raised to hustle hard, and navigate the lines of acceptability, to carefully finesse the system for everything they want in life. Black excellence is real because it takes extra fucking skill and internal endurance to achieve what mediocre white people happily hand over to one another.

So in this reality, one can not simply “borrow” an aesthetic, or the vibe of a culture of people at the same time that one is fraternizing with an enemy of said culture for a check.

The other difference is you don’t get to borrow Black culture when you haven’t got Black friends, when you haven’t got Black lovers, when you can’t wont, don’t speak up or participate in the discussion and promotion of Black social issues.

You don’t get to borrow Black if you don’t care about Black.

Do I think Adam Levine is a racist? No, Maybe. I don’t know. Do I think he doesn’t give a fuck about the Black experience in America. Absolutely.

He doesn’t give one single fuck about social responsibility. He doesn’t give a fuck what anyone thinks about his choices. Clearly. He has demonstrated peak white-broness. He is above it all in his own mind because it’s not his fucking problem. He’s a rockstar. He can do whatever he wants.

Let’s start with the haircut. This haircut triggered me tf out right away because it’s a classic – if subtle and seemingly innocuous – patriotic style. He’s got the military fade. The last I saw the high-pitched frontman of our generation’s Foreigner, he was bright blond. (Even that hairstyle was giving me some low-key Aryan brotherhood vibes, but then I thought no way because he’s totally Jewish right.)

Next we’ve got the sudden bulk. Listen Adam Levine has always had a sexy body. It was lean and perfectly proportionate and compact, but suggestive of some massive virility. The video for This Love – when Maroon 5 actually made good music, and before Levine started sucking his own dick – totally gave me that impression.

It was impossible for me not to love Adam Levine in college, and after. All my friends love him. The music was clearly for broads; it was passionate and romantic, and sexy, and Levine gave good bedroom eyes. But more importantly HE DIDN’T COME OFF LIKE A MAJOR TOOL.

He was just a lean looking guy who’s clothes sort of hung off him. He seemed casual, a little emo, a little low-key dark. But nothing like the raging ass he’s coming off as now.

So now he’s suddenly RIPPED. His neck is like a tree trunk. His biceps don’t match his wrists or his hands. Nothing about his torso matches his pecs. Nothing about any of it looks right. At all.

And good lord the tattoos.

Who the fuck gave him a Cholo card? Who is in his crew to lend him any possible credibility for those god-awfully insultingly horrendous fake-looking tattoos? That CALIFORNIA might as well be any Irish last name plastered across your ex-boyfriend’s back. Which makes it just as bad as a tribal with a sun or a heart in the middle placed on any of your ex-bestfriend’s lower backs.

WHAT THE EVER LOVING FUCK.

Adam Levine looking like a giant douche at the superbowl.

So far we’re looking at a bunch of arbitrary and excessive tattoos, on a brand new, possibly injected upper body, with this stupid fucking good-old-boy-of-the-modern era haircut and finished off with these two gold chains he more than likely borrowed from Big Boi for the event.

And it’s just like, excuse me bro, but CAN YOU NOT.

The worst of it is that with this entire look, he is so proud of himself. He is so big and shiny, and shirtless, and decorated, and apparently defiant. He is the white demigod, invincible and untouchable in his professional glory.

And like I said, I don’t think the guy is racist (but, you never really know with white people) and also he is just a human. He is just a former skinny, pale, quasi-incel-looking dude who has realized all his ultimate Chad dreams.

I mean I don’t know. I’m inferring A LOT.

It’s too bad that being the cheesiest rock-pop group of the last decade and a half wasn’t enough. It’s too bad that he felt like he couldn’t say no to the superbowl, that maybe he was afraid he’d be too old and washed to play it years later if and when the NFL ever got their shit together.

It’s too bad he had to go full douche on us. I really had no idea he had this much potential in him.

“No one thought about it more than I did. No one put more thought and love into this than I did. … I spoke to many people, most importantly though, I silenced all the noise and listened to myself, and made my decision about how I felt.”

adam levine

At the end of the day though, he is still just a human like all of us. He is just some guy from CALIFORNIA, following his dreams. And I’m just a writer trying to get that blog traffic. 🤷🏽‍♀️

But also, this.



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