Guys let’s talk about symbolism.
I dreamt I fell asleep at the beach and got stranded by a couple who’d said they would pick me up.
And then I somehow survived about 5 tsunamis (the water represents emotional turbulence here).
Then, I was supposed to read a passage at Duchess Megan’s wedding but I was late AF, and not in the mood to deal with security, and somehow wound up having cigarettes with this model guy who I can barely manage to exchange two sentences with irl. (This represents my avoidance and reluctance toward responsibilities, and my inclination toward empty, useless situations which will never fulfill me.)
Then, I’m on some estate with the Duke and Duchess and they’re having a row and I can barely be bothered except it’s understood that I have to be the one to get them sorted, like I’m their handler.
This is extra annoying because the marriage element I think is supposed to be like the integration of my shadow or my animus, and clearly neither one of seems in the mood to converge in any meaningful way. Which is disappointing because I’d thought we made good progress this summer.
Anyway, I woke up with a headache and this Dawn Penn song in my head. And I just feel like my subconscious is being really annoying about my desire for companionship and my lack of desire (read: trepidation/genuine terror) to engage with others on a deep and meaningful level because no amount of tsunami will ever soothe the burns I have clearly not fully recovered from.
You think just because you don’t think about a person, that the pain is over. But I think the pain is always there. I just dress it up every one and a half months. I feel really attacked this morning, and it’s my own mind doing it.
This is so RUDE. But the song is so good.