Dream Nov. 7

Post Originally Published: November 8th, 2016




 

Something like phone sex, except it definitely felt real inside me. Long, thick, and satisfying, from the back, causing tremors. But his whole person wasn’t there. Like some VR tele-s3x, with AJ. 

SO I KNEW IT WAS WRONG. But I kept doing it. In the dream, at least 3 times. And people interrupted and we had to be quick and sneaky, and there was a sense of shame, dishonesty, and secrecy. Probably because AJ was the worst to me and I let him be because the D was so good. So I was ashamed of my own weakness for good sex at the cost of my dignity and self respect.

At some point I had to go somewhere like an airport or convention center with other people. There was an important event and I had to be there but there was a lot of commotion and turning around and no clear sense of purpose or reason. It was like Time Square at night. 

At some point I’m exiting a restaurant, and the front entrance is long and well lit with golden bulbs like a Broadway theater sign. And Mark is there. For whatever reason, maybe I’m waiting for someone,  I keep going back inside and out of the restaurant again. And everytime I pass the door Mark says “I love you,” the way I say it  to cute guys who are outside of earshot, to make my friends laugh. But he says it to me each time I pass, and I pass by close to him and he knows I can hear. And I tell him to stop that. 

Not because I don’t want to hear it, or because experiencing my tacky remarks gives me some new respect for heckling men or anything. But because Mark is everything I adore in a man. He’s handsome, and hardworking, has an accent, and funny teeth, and salt and pepper hair, and a perfectly timed and released temper, and a heart of fucking gold. And I don’t want to hear the man of my dreams tell me he loves me in my dreams. 

I want to hear it in real life. Not from Mark, because hes married and belongs with and deserves his blessed and beautiful family. I want to hear I love you in real life from my real life man of my dreams. Not to be reminded that he probably only exists for me in my dreams. 

Then I’m on a towny road. Clean, empty, maybe no cars. Its a beach town and I’m walking to a beach house. Someone’s either with me or meeting me there but I don’t know who. It’s supposed to rain, but for now the sky and everything is drenched in orange sunlight. I get to the house and go upstairs to the balcony. By this point my companion is with me but I still don’t know who they are. Man, woman, child, adult. I don’t know, but I’m not alone. 

I look to the left at the ocean a block or two away. The waves are rising and crashing, big beautiful shiny green-blue crests coated golden in the sunlight. Over and over one giant wave after the other. 

A storm is supposed to be coming and the waves could be indicative and frightening if they weren’t so beautiful. I cannot look away. 



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