Famous White Person’s White Daughter Lands Job After Overcoming Harrowing Ordeal of Insecurity, Low Self Esteem, and Superficial Questions of Her Place In A Superficial World

Hey guys, meet Sailor Brinkley Cook, the nineteen-year-old daughter of Christie Brinkley who’s going to be featured in Sports Illustrated’s 2018 Swimsuit Edition because of nepotism. Nepotism is when people get access to better job opportunities because of who they’re related to. (Did you know Christie Brinkley is the adopted daughter of veteran CBS television writer/producer, Don Brinkley?)

But nevermind that. You can’t completely fault people for using the lots they landed in life to their full advantage. However, you absolutely should mock them for trying to capitalize on the most trivial struggles.

White Women Problems

Am I pretty enough? Can I be sexualized?
What, if any, inherent value do I possess outside of the male gaze?

The Daily Mail provides a detailed account of the aspiring model’s body and outfit in this utterly useless (even by UK rag standards), bought-and-paid-for fluff piece wherein Sailor’s PR team aims to make their girl someone the market can relate to.

But the real story here is that Sailor Brinkley Cook, the golden haired, sun-kissed yet fairy looking child of a model and architect has, at 19, found the inner strength to carry on and pursue her aspirations of becoming a model in a superficial, cruel and unforgiving world that sexualizes girls and consistently aims to warp women’s sense of self worth, based on how physically appealing they are to the male gaze.

Good on you, Sailor! Granted you probably never stood a chance, being the offspring of two aesthetically-centered parents. Beauty & Form were likely the foundations of your entire identity.

Somehow (I’m guessing through therapy, money, and the right media connections) Sailor Brinkley Cook – one of the original celebrity children with fucking moronic names – has gotten over the fact that she’ll never have long legs, a fat ass, or a killer rack. She’s powered through her poor body image, and is on her way to fulfilling her destiny to become some pervy international photographer’s wet dream.

Fortunately for Sailor, she’s realized the crucial lesson that she can only ever be the best version of herself – which, let’s be honest here, as long as she pursues modeling is always going to be Christie Brinkley’s daughter.

Having a modeling career handed to you because mom feels bad that you don’t feel pretty isn’t going to fix the problem.

For the record I’m absolutely engaging is some purposely petty AF racially-tinged dragging because what you [the media] are not going to do is throw out a fluff piece of promotional fodder disguised as a cutesy tale of white triumph over the imagined white struggle of physical inadequacy in a white dominated industry.

The times we live in demand 100% diligence in calling out bullshit at every turn, and yes, even in pop-culture and among celebrity rags. And I’m here to do it. You’re welcome.

Sailor Brinkley Cook talking about overcoming her poor body image in the era of Gigi Hadid and Delilah Belle Hamlin – when the job market for teenage models, with famous last names and pencil thin proportions is actually booming – evokes an exaggerated eye roll for several reasons.

Sailor is already rich and nearly famous.

To be clear, the girl is not unattractive. She’s just mildly mentally challenged because she hasn’t been able to develop a sense of self-worth outside of her looks. It happens.

Plastic surgery is better than it’s ever been and if Sailor really wanted more bust or tush she could’ve had the work done before attempting to launch a career, and no one would mention it, much less notice. See Bella Hadid’s old nose (no one cares).

Or she could have gone the Kylie Jenner route and gotten fixed up and subsequently more noticed for it.

Secondly, feeling insecure about being petite, tiny, and non-Amazonian is not a real problem. It simply isn’t. While it’s true that in most cases short people got no reason to live – being a small woman in a superficial industry probably isn’t going to kill the career your mother is campaigning for for you.

When you come from money and you experience and overcome similar struggles that the proletariat face you don’t deserve fanfare. Congratulations, princess – you’re human.

It’s Cold In The Shadow

Nothing is wrong with Sailor Brinkley Cook’s body and the poor girl shouldn’t have ever thought there was. But that’s the thing with our culture: We’re obsessed with beauty, women’s bodies, and the illusive ideal.

We love to love women and women love to be loved. Whether it’s over-sexualization, or critiquing everyone knows bitches love attention.

We don’t stand a chance
against our vanity.

Sailor also never stood a chance against her mother’s career. Literally none of Christie Brinkley’s kids really look like her. You can’t fault Sailor for looking up to her mom, for wanting to emulate her, for wanting to be a model too. But she isn’t her mother’s doppleganger (like Kaia Jordan Gerber, Cindy Crawford’s daughter), and she doesn’t reflect any eye-catching genetics from her father (like the Hadids, Jenners, and Hamlins).

The bottom line is Sailor Brinkley Cook is basic looking. She’s your average, run of the mill, girl next door, sporty white girl. Tough break. Sailor will be all right though. Her money and name will work for her.

Ultimately, Sailor will get the consolation prize we all accept in place of self-respect and earned success – and that prize is attention. Claim what’s yours, girl!

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