Flashback Friday: Dream April 27th, 2011
During a period-induced nap yesterday afternoon a dream came to me.
I was in a work/living studio space with some friends/colleagues when it was brought to my attention that friends of mine were in one of my other spaces. It shouldn’t have been a big deal, since they were friends of mine, but it was for a few reasons: They were in there with people I didn’t know, lounging like they ran shit, and they were friends of mine who [it was understood] didn’t get the keys from me.
I called up the mutual friend who was the only person who could’ve possibly given them the keys and did what I always do when I’m going to chew a friend out. I began with a question, ran off a series of questions to bring attention to her lack of forethought. Then I paused, took a breath and apologized for coming at her so fast.
I gave her a chance to speak, and she defended her decision to share my keys by calling me out for failing to speak to her consistently enough. How was she to know she couldn’t lend out my keys? I was blown away by her gall, but it presented several points for me to consider:
First, I realized that whenever I feel affronted or insulted my first inclination is to always insult the offending party’s intelligence.
I expect people to know a lot better than to do anything that would possibly displease me. The deeper issue is probably my own inflated sense of importance.
I expect that I my peace and pleasure should be some high priority on other people’s agendas.
How ridiculous, right?
Second, I acknowledged the truth to her statement. If I’m not maintaining the relationship or demonstrating the same amount of attention or respect to my friends that I expect from them, where do I come off expecting anything?
Past that, though, I still felt validated in my disgruntled feelings. Regardless of how poorly I approached the subject, if I provided her access to my space it definitely represented a level of implicit trust. By loaning out the keys and not even being present to host the company she betrayed that trust.
Her flippant response to my disappointment brought to light the need for both of us to reevaluate the friendship. If we aren’t spending time together or communicating often (and clearly, not well) then why should she even have the keys to begin with.
In the dream however, I didn’t take any time to thoroughly address these issues.
Instead, I reprimanded her for giving the keys out and not being at the space while the others were. I hung up and went to the space and proceeded to throw everyone out.
The best was this one really ignorant and persistent broad who didn’t appreciate getting thrown out. She insisted on staying in the space until all her friends were ready to leave. There I stood in a room of stoned and sluggish fooligans wasting what I’d intended to be a creative workspace, slowly awakening and motivating their exits at the shrill tones of my bitching, and this one broad (there’s always that one broad) had the nerve to stand her ground, like she had any ground to stand.
This scene also gave me food for thought. I wondered, what am I doing wrong in establishing and displaying my own personal power on a level that effects immediate change in my environment? Because I walk into my own space and demand you get the hell out, you had better up and move fast.
Truth is, the entire premise of the dream brought a very important question to the forefront of my consciousness: personal security.
On every level, from boundaries and communication in my interpersonal relationships to protecting my mental space and keeping my thoughts pure, to manifesting personal power as a means of ensuring the security of my life force, the importance of honest self-examination and protection now glistens in a new light for me.
Dreams are never meant to be taken literally; they’re food for thought. And this one gave me a hefty five-course.