Post Originally Published: April 8th, 2013

Mob Wives Season 3 Thoughts

I am not impressed.

Okay, maybe I’m a little impressed with Renee. She made the very adult (and brave) decision to go to rehab and clean herself up. She bought a new house and committed to a new start, to ending the drama, and to doing the heavy lifting of personal work that being happy and healthy requires.

Renee‘s always been a work in progress, and she’s been hit left and right with a lot of emotional blows in the past two years. So ginormous kudos to her for making the effort and for reigning in the bullshit. Renee is genuinely likable when she’s not acting like a maniac, so I enjoyed seeing more of her good side this season.

Carla was the real G this season.

Carla was the definition of class and poise all season long. From the beginning when Renee lashed out at her at Big Ang‘s house for allegedly screwing married men, Carla kept her wits about her. She stood up to Renee’s constant bullying. She maintained descretion regarding her personal affairs by never discussing the details on camera with the other women, and she repeatedly stated the facts – that it’s nobody’s business what she gets into or who she’s involved with. Like A Boss.

She always carried herself with dignity and kept her chin up, and dismissed every attempt anyone made to antagonize or criticize her. Carla should be a spokesperson for anti-bullying. Her PSA would be something to the effect of “Be classier. You’re better than the bullshit. You don’t have time for these dumb bitches.”

Points For Maturity.

First, I like that Drita and Ramona buried the hatchet on account of their kids because that’s good parenting. They set better examples of grown woman behavior for both their daughters, and hopefully all the single mothers out there who watch Mob Wives and mistakenly think it’s cute to be foolish, ignorant, and violent in front of their children. One can only hope when positive examples are shown through of the most active mediums, on one of the highest rated networks for reality programming targeted toward women, that viewers actually absorb the more helpful messages.

Second, Carla met Joe’s new girlfriend (Raquel) and, Karen met Dave’s. Both women had clear, honest communication with their baby daddy’s new lovers. They simply explained the respect they expected and were rightfully owed as the mother of the man’s child. I think showing these types of conversations on television is a step in the right direction toward ending unnecessary cattiness between women – especially when it comes to an ex/fellow-parent dating someone new.

It’s beyond pathetic when women continue to be self-centered cunts after they become mothers. Once you’re a mother your entire reality should undergo some sort of transformation whereby you realize that you have the greatest responsibility in the world – nurturing, and teaching a member of the future of the species. A child is not your personal meal ticket or some sort of chain link between you and the best dick you’ve ever had. A child is a gift from God like any other, and you ought to get your head on right, show some gratitude to the creator, and behave like someone in charge of very precious cargo, ie: the future of humankind.

That personal rant aside, both Carla and Karen handled their situations well. Obviously Karen is still in love with Dave. And I think Ramona’s onto something when she says he’s still in love with Karen too.

Also (while we’re on the subject), Dave looks like he LAYS that pipe and knocks a kitty out. Just saying. He probably does too, which is why Karen lets him run his game and talk to her any way he wants over the phone. I mean she bought him that house, and he didn’t even tell her he had a girlfriend. And then he brushed it off when she confronted him. Dave knows he’s got that kitty on lock, and Karen knows it too, and if it’s workin for them then it’s whatever.

I personally think Karen’s an idiot, so… moving along…

Carla‘s ex Joe is some fine piece of meat as well. Jesus Christ, the shoulders on that one, the mouth too, and that voice. All of it is very much yes, yes, yes, YES! Joe doesn’t really try to play Carla. He obviously has much more respect for her than that. He goes toe to toe with her, and he’s always upfront. He doesn’t take any shit from her, but he also doesn’t try to pull any with her. That’s two sides of the sexiest coin a man can possess: Respect.

I like a guy who respects himself enough not to take shit from a woman, and respects her enough to be honest and shoot it straight. Honesty doesn’t mean she needs to know every detail of your life. It means you don’t cower and shy away from difficult conversations. It means you speak the hard truths because you know everything always comes out anyway, and holding punches or ducking behind silence is a waste of everyone’s time.

Love & The Fight.

I can’t even though. All season she’s been flapping her puffy ass lips about how batshit and violent she is, and how she “don’t take shit from no one,” and how she “don’t let no one talk about her,” and how she loved this one and that one, and how she always wanted kids and whatever else.

Girl, I hear you. I really do. I’ve stalked the shit out a bunch of people. In college (when I was 20, mind you) I Showed up to my boyfriend’s dorm and started a physical fight with him that continued through the courtyard all the way to my dorm. I’ve threatened girls who lived in other states by telling them the address to their jobs, and when to expect me.

I get it, honey. You’re nuts and you’ll rough someone up. Yes, dear. That’s nice. You’re also too old for this shit. Grow up. All of a sudden, out of nowhere Love has a problem with Carla. I watched every episode and I honestly don’t know for why or how.

I don’t know how whatever she heard Carla supposedly said about her can even count when wherever or whomever she heard it from was never shown on camera. I also don’t know why she would run with this idea when Big Ang and Drita repeatedly told her that Carla doesn’t talk about her.

There’s a difference between asking someone straight up to their face why they’re talking about you and what their problem is versus running around talking about them, repeatedly threatening to assault them, and then taking the first chance you have to actually assault them when you were supposed to be talking it out. Given that I’ve gotten in three fights in the last five years I know I can’t exactly go around judging anybody for putting hands on anyone else.

But I’m also not on national television, trying to earn street cred…? I don’t want street credit or to be in favor and good standing with a bunch of dramatic women whose wealth was earned by the men in their families scheming the law. Don’t get me wrong I’m all for the mafia, and any type of organized crime that sticks it to the man. Hustling and living flashy and eating good, and all that shit appeals to me like WHOA. I won’t even deny it.

But I’m also very much for doing my own hustling, living flashy and eating good by my own efforts, and being in good standing with my fucking self. I don’t give a fuck for any other bitch/or set of bitches’ approval, and I don’t intend to pull clout or tout my social position based on anyone’s name but my own. Period. Point blank. Thank you. Good-bye.

This Love character is just an ex-girlfriend of some two-bit pimp from Las Vegas (I mean really, Fate? Really?). She hangs out with the Mob Wives – daughters, and granddaughters of legit gangsters and Mafioso – but she’s not one of them by any means. And it’s sad to watch how badly she wants the associated “respect.”

Drita and Carla are/were actually married to convicts and criminals, and they share with the other Mob Wives the experience of raising a family while having an encarcerated spouse. So regardless of the other womens’ gripes with Carla and Drita on any given day (which I think we can all agree really comes down to their looks) they will always respect one another if only on the basis of that shared reality.

Love is just a pretty neighborhood girl who’s friends with the cool girls (more than likely because of who she’s fucked). She’s funny and she’s feisty, and she acts very tough, and obviously backs it up. But for what? It’s not even entertaining to watch her exploit herself that way on national television, over imaginary bullshit. It’s repulsive and sad.

I don’t know what kind of life this woman has lived, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s had the shit kicked out of her at a young age by multiple someones she probably loved very much. She’s got a chip on her shoulder that’s a little too big to be Carla’s fault completely (if at all).

The only bits of Love’s history we were given was that she was once engaged to some mobster, and he went to jail and then let some other woman get pregnant with his frozen sperm. She cries a bit when revealing to Big Ang that she would’ve liked to have children, and we see Love’s vulnerability at being passed over, and having a love, and possible future go by.

We were given very small insight into Love, but I totally identified with her. God knows I’ve had plenty of cries over losing the two loves of my life. But I’m not gonna randomly decide to go and fight the prettiest girl in Bushwick over it. Well, first of all, I can’t fight the prettiest girl in Bushwick, because I am the prettiest girl in Bushwick (amirite?), but you know what I mean. And second of all, if you really want some love in your life pretending that’s your name while running around town threatening to pull off people’s faces PROBABLY ISN’T THE WAY.

The Mob Wives Season Finale Was A Complete Mess.

Love is a complete mess. Honestly, I hope she doesn’t come back next season. But if she does I hope Rene has a serious talk with her about getting her fucking shit together. Like, THERAPY, bitch. And I also hope Drita lets her know that that wildin out shit is not really the look.

I don’t think VH1 is ever going to get tired of exploiting less confident and informed women, but as far as Mob Wives goes the series does seem to adapt rapidly to fan reactions. Which I’m assuming is why Ramona, Karen, and Renee have all behaved dramatically better this season than last.

The fact that Big Ang – the least violent, self-centered, and dramatic of the bunch – got her own spinoff last year should be a clear indicator that audiences are interested in, and will respond to more positive cast members.

The real question is can producers, editors, and network execs respond to the challenge of contorting these shows into comedies with the same creativity that they turn every other show into spectacle? And will they?