I Can Go Out Further

 

Real life is nothing
like I thought it’d be.
Everyday I am so sad.

All the weekdays blur
into one another.
And I’m always so exhausted,
or sad.
I don’t know where my passion went.
Pretending to be happy is tiring.
There is no easy way out of my life.

Not suicidal.
That phase of my depression has long
since passed.
Just v v tired.

I keep looking for something to do,
something to love and throw myself
head long into.

Life is me
floating
in barely three feet of Bali ocean
when I know I can’t swim.

It is nothing.
I can go out further.

But there is
an unknowable line,
after which
an uncontrollable force
begins to pull,
from where
I will be unable to remove myself,
if I should go
too far.

And when I even remotely sense
proximity
to this line
I flip about furiously,
scraping my knees
against the very close and
very safe,
basic, and eternally mocking
ocean floor.

 

 

Copyright © 2017

POEMS

Breaking Beauty

Candy Striper

Cloudy Blue Skies

Dyin’ Nice Us

Entrails & Innards

Every Artist Has A Vice

EXQUISITE OF HIS CHOOSING

Heavy Hearted & Light Headed

I Can Go Out Further

Johnny, Come Quickly

Michael J. Fox

Pink and Dissolving

Possibility Is A Girl’s Name

Satisfaction’s In The Reaction

The Cold Winter

The Sex Poem

You’re Welcome