I wanted to watch the last debate because the first one was such good television, and twitter keeps it lit. But I gave it a solid 4 or 5 minutes before I was overcome with annoyance, agitation, discomfort, and fatigue. I know those all seem like synonyms but it was too much.
All I heard was indiscernible barking, just pure noise, drilling through my skull, splitting apart my brains. I was laying in bed and my body was tense, turned and twisted into itself.
I couldn’t focus on anything either of them were saying because all the aggression emanating from the screen was making me deaf with rage. So I turned it off, and took to hearting and retweeting my faves. Then I went to bed and woke up with a headache – which I could blame on the Sprite, or having a cigarette too soon before bed, but I’ll attribute to this god-forsaken election.
None of this funny. It’s sort of funny because twitter, and facebook, and memes and the internet. But it’s not actually funny.
It’s cute that there’s a notion of Democracy that sort of still shines on America’s really shitty front bumper of corruption, corporate greed, racism, sexism, obesity, inadequate and overpriced education & healthcare structures. Like it’s legitimately cute that people think that they can have say in the country’s future. Cute like when kids leave treats for Santa.
But with the internet and all, does anyone even still believe in Santa?
And there’s enough of an intellectual and watchful population to mind her moves and check her throughout her presidency. And she’s the type to sort of admit what she does, or at least acknowledge her mistakes without throwing a fucking fit over it. Unlike Trump, who’s likely to go all Peter Thiel and/or Turkey on the press if and when they inevitably call him out for everything.
But even the minor possibility that Hillary could lose, or that Trump would contest the results if she didn’t, that any of his crazy racist, rednecked, hillbilly supporters could riot or commit violence – genuinely terrifies me.
Maybe not all of it, and not all with each other, and maybe all the separate wars are unnamed, or just under-acknowledged. But they’re happening. And each of us holds a little gun in one: Women are at war with their sexual aggressors. Black people are at war against low and high key racism, shifting opinions, Nazis in blue and white cars. Muslims are at war with religious zealots of either faith. It goes on and on.
Aggression and competition and war and opposition and occupation and threats of violence, and murder, and actual violence and commericalized, romanticized, glossed violence is everywhere.
It’s already prevalent.
With his heinous face and his aggro voice, and his arrogance and insecurity and fragil male ego manifested by his frog-choking-on-shit voice, going “Excuse me, excuse me,” and never backing down, bullying educated and otherwise respected professionals at every possible turn with his ruddy face and emoji hand gestures, eye rolls and pursed lips. And this is where we are.
This is the state of humanity and society that that monstrous, greedy, perverted, and sheltered maniac has become a major party candidate in the presidential election in the US. It’s disturbing and disheartening entirely because we deserve it and we let it happen to ourselves.
I’d like to say I’m a feminist but my next point could negate that to some people. When abused women stay with their abusers I don’t pity them. I don’t anything them because they made that choice themselves.
Whatever results from your choice to maintain or discontinue a relationship with anyone – friend, lover, employer, substance – you own a percentage of responsibility. The idea that you must endure any level of suffering in the name of love assumes that neither you nor your beloved can ever do better than the worst moment.
True, no one is perfect. (Except me) But a fist to the jaw is never a test you need to pass. People give their power away everyday. I don’t like it and I don’t encourage it but it happens.
Americans give their power away. Over all of history people have forfeited their power to governments that have abused them. America deserves Donald Trump. It depresses the fuck out of me that he could win and rain hell on this place. And it depresses me that he could lose and we could wallow some more in our complaceny, denial, and false unaccountability.