Post Originally Published: October 1st, 2012

Sweet, Sweet Revenge

The Season 2 Premier of ABC’s Revenge was so good!

Nolan got a haircut. Jack’s hair got longer and he spent a good 120 seconds without a shirt. Daniel is still as pretty as he’s ever been, except now he’s all gloomy and mopey and insolent. Emily is still the babelicious bad-ass she’s always been, and Victoria’s alive.

I mean…!!!

They replaced the actor who plays Takeda, and they’ve introduced some hunky British fellow to look after Emily. The plot is sort of losing me, because while I know Takeda is supposed to be Emily’s ally and somewhat mentor, I’m not exactly sure why she’s so mad at him – or why there’s a British babe with them on the beach.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for British babes, but errmm, who is this guy?

The episode opened similarly to the series premier last fall. There was an unidentified body, at a particular point in time, and then the story picked up from “x amount of months earlier.”

All we know for sure is Jack’s boat, the Amanda, got wrecked and a man’s body was aboard with the gold compass. My money’s on the man with the white hair, because he’s scary and it’d be nice to know someone got him before he got anyone we like. Also there’s no way they’re killing Jack or Nolan off, and those are the only people who could possibly be on the Amanda. Unless of course it’s Declan, which would suck three balls. So let’s hope for the man with the white hair.

Charlotte’s been off to rehab and is really committed to cleaning up, but her Con-Dad’s more interested in his money and power, so he’s paid her caregiver to falsify her latest blood work and keep her in the facility so he can control her finances.

Remember last season when it was so easy to believe Victoria was the monster?

While she’s still a schemey ice cold bitch, it’s obvious that Conrad’s the real beast in the Grayson family. I almost feel like those two really deserve each other, in a War Of The Roses type of way. Don’t ask me how Queen V is still alive. She got on the plane, the plane exploded. But whatever. Maybe she got off for something and then the plane exploded. Maybe she got on a dummy plane. Who knows? Who cares? Revenge fans aren’t going to ask for those details because all we want is is our ice queen bitch.

Oh Nolan!

Other stuff happened; Emily recalled memories of her mother whom she thinks could still be alive. Sure, whatever. That part of the story line is a little too Alias for me to get connected to. If Revenge starts going all secret agent government conspiracy on me I’m going to quit that bitch just like I quit Grey’s. But I think they’re a far ways off from that yet.

Nearly every moment of show time was a pleasure:

All of Nolan’s shady looks and comments, Conrad’s scumbaggery (I mean, you know he’s smooshing Ashley right?) Daniel’s whole IDGAF vibe, and Jack.

Jack doesn’t have to do or say anything. He is just Jack. He is the good guy here, the genuine innocent, loveable, and loyal good guy. Even when he donned a dark hoody on the beach and you’d thought he’d turned, he was still good. Even if it does seem scumbaggy of him to ask Fake-Manda to prove the baby’s his, he is still the good guy. And I love him.

Next week is just too far away.