Notes

Dream 6.19

I dreamt I’d walked through some shortcuts by the beach, with a group of people who were understood to be friends of mine, but with whom I had little to no contact.

We went to this beautiful open, and airy villa for a chilled out house party.

And I had this really neat photo album where the pages were designed like Polaroid frames, with faint lines beneath the picture windows so you could hand write captions and locations. And I had this fine tipped blue-green marker, and was sitting at this party being a little antisocial, just filling in my captions, but the pictures were attracting people to me so it was fine and I didn’t have to do too much in terms of exposing myself in conversation to strangers.

I wandered over to a sofa where an untouchable guy I really fancy in real life was lounging. And I just lay between his legs with my back on his chest and start talking to him, about pop culture, because that’s obviously my area.

And my photo album has all these pictures of the Kar-Jenners like we’d been hanging out and were friends.

I start explaining to him all the reasons people hate them and the societal conditioning we all undergo and how

there is no perfect way for a woman to exist, except in the ways she self-determines

and I’m off on sexuality and confidence and freedom and I’m half rambling because he makes me nervous, but he says he sees my point and in the end isn’t that what it’s about?

Giving someone a little insight and perspective?

I get up for a drink and I see Sean Donley (from GH) and it’s understood that he’s like my uncle or godfather, and sure why not?

(I mean he did figure somewhat prominently in my childhood.)

He’s undercover and I’m not sure if he’s there to bust the guy from the couch or what, but he’s totally working. And I overhear a conversation between Sean and another officer which sounds like they’re plotting entrapment.

So I tell the guy I was on the couch what’s what because, you know, fuck the police.

He disappears and I wind up with a female relative of his, who owns the villa, or is the daughter or niece of the owner.

She is also basically Gal Gadot – in appearance and in all that Gadot’s role as Wonder Woman has come to (was supposed to?) represent in the collective social psyche.

She appears to me as beautiful, confident, smart, strong, and in complete control.

We hang out in her room, just talking about nothing I can remember now. But we get really close in a few hours and I feel like I’m in love with her. What she represents to me is the embodiment of my ideal self.

Sean and his tiny militia are coming for the villa so I have to go. Because Gal would rather face whatever trouble they bring with her clan, than to have me pulled into it and cause further static.

It’s night time now and sounds like it’s raining heavily, but when I go outside I don’t get wet.

So I wander back through the shortcuts and I see Sean and his boys, with their well-lit tents, and trucks getting ready for whatever.

One of the guys is throwing really disrespectful come-ons at me, but not to hit on me so much as to prop up his ego/tiny dick in front of the other men. And I’m annoyed, but unbothered because I just have this knowing that the boys in blue are going to lose in the end.

Hati-Hati translates to “Be Careful” or “Caution” in Indonesian.

HATI-HATI by Ruth Nineke is a collection
of love poems, dreams, photography, and personal essays reflecting on the author’s love addiction, romanticism and sexuality.

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